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Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) relies on the science of attachment. It is an empirically validated therapy that provides a de-pathologizing path to addressing the problem of relationship distress. In this therapy pioneered by Sue Johnson, Ph.D. and co-created with many of her colleagues from around the world, the disconnection that occurs between couples is explored in a stepwise process.
By narrowing down the moment-to-moment interactions that occur between individuals, the relationship dialogue which has evolved over time, can be heard more clearly by each partner. Each individual comes to know more about their own feelings and reactions. Each partner's experience can be heard through the creation of safety in the room that ultimately allows for responding fully to the one you most need to hear your experience.
A relationship map of feelings, thoughts and behaviors is co-created in the room, through therapist guided interactions. These dialogues and enactments will facilate understanding about how each member of your dyad reacts in important reaching for understanding and connection moments in which feelings of mistrust, unsafety and distress, are hidden beneath the surface and are speaking for you instead.
In the process of this therapy your attachment style, which helped you to stay safe and connected to important others throughout your life can be better understood and hence fully empathized with. We are all made up of a mixture of self-protective layers - and just like the layers of an onion or any plant or fruit, these layers do protect us from damage, but as humans they can also keep us feeling alone and that ultimately damages us instead.
Finding the meaning behind actions and responses helps rebuild pathways to a safer connection.
The process also highlights the unconscious beliefs about oneself and others, perhaps carried from the family system each partner was born into as well as perceptions and experiences of rejection and loss.
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EFT is a humanistic experiential approach to healing that is pragmatic and respectful of the need for safety in all of us. It honors the neutrality of the human dilemma as a synergistic interaction between the emotional and the reasoning mind.
Family Therapy
I specialize in Attachment Based Family Therapy (ABFT). This therapy model was developed by professors, Suzanne Levy, Ph.D. and Guy Diamond, Ph.D. at Drexel University. The development of this model could not have been timelier or more needed, as it gets to the heart of what matters most in family life – that is, emotional safety and bonding. Too many parents have been exposed to erroneous habits of discipline believed necessary to raising a well-behaved, productive child. Not only are these habits not helpful, but they can be quite harmful. As many parents reading this have already experienced, raising a child is a lot of work involving much self-sacrifice. But what makes this job exponentially challenging is the notorious notion that parenting is something one should know how to do.
The ABFT approach seeks to undo some of the child rearing mistakes some parents innocently make, by interceding to re-connect to our children leading with the heart. The idea of leading with our heart to connect, instead of primarily towing the line to teach children, oftentimes feels too daunting a task, and for this reason it is easily abandoned, as unproductive. Self-doubt, judgement and feeling memories can evoke guilt, shame or anxiety and too often get in the way of the softer feelings we need to provide support and empathy to our children.
Because establishing good habits of mind and behavior comes not from discipline, but rather boundaries of kindness for self and others.
ABFT provides a stepwise model to facilitate the moment-to-moment process of connecting and repairing our bonds with ourselves and others. I like to say, it is not difficult to be smart or to learn what to do, but it can be quite difficult to feel cared about.
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The principle of slowing down long enough to show care is an old age wisdom:
“When we take care of the moments, life will take care of itself."
- Confucius
Adolescent Therapy
Sometimes, adolescents are interested in therapy, but they are not quite ready or for safety reasons they cannot share what they are experiencing with their parents. In some situations, there is conflict or crisis at home that is serious enough to warrant confidential care and treatment. Adolescents need a safe outlet to share and explore their understanding of their own experiences.
I provide therapy for adolescents ages 11-17 seeking mental health treatment for trauma and stress and related disorders such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, thoughts of harm, problems sleeping, studying, relating with others, teen pregnancy and abuse of many different kinds.
In therapy, I put the safety of the child above all else. The experience of safety, in speech and action is paramount to the development of trust that is essential to the process of connecting to others. At the outset we will discuss the boundaries of confidentiality to begin the process of ensuring safety. This process includes collaboratively building and setting goals as this ensures the most successful outcome of therapy.
Sometimes, referrals and consultations are a necessary part of therapy, and this is especially true for adolescents. Because children depend on the nurturing care of their parents, larger family, friends, and their communities to grow a healthy sense of self, it can be useful to enlist the cooperation of important, trusted family members, teachers, or friends. This is important in building or rebuilding the safe and secure base that is essential to a healthy development of their lives.
Attachment bonding science has shown nurturing has value that endures from the cradle to the grave. Unfortunately nurturing can get hijacked for too many children. Children who experience unresolved loss and disconnection can succumb to the ravages of such loss, primarily in the form of emotional and/or physical damage.
Therapy aims to repair the wounds of loss by re-connecting to important moments of disconnection with others and the world around them. While different symptoms and conditions will present differently for each child, knowing and validating the story of every individual is an important part of therapy.