Your experience matters too.
Too many times we hurt the ones we love. It can be hard to remember why or how, because guilt is not our kindest friend. The mark of hurt is left behind and lives on in the one you love. The hurt is undeniably there, hidden behind the motivation they no longer have, the smile that turns so quickly upside down into a frown. It lives on in all their deadly habits. It could be a substance, too much work or not feeling able to maintain love in relationships that takes over their life. It lives, persists and shows up in harmful ways as in the quick reactions that sabatoge instead of bringing help.
The many times a parent especially, hurts a child and does not come back to repair, amounts in sleepless nights and countless moments usurped by unworthiness, when self-esteem was needed instead. It reflects the times they gave up, fled or couldn't fight powerful forces such as desire or dread. These moments all feel the same as they did and do when your actions show you will choose you always, not them.
That feeling of utterly alone, it anchors us into the depths of the ocean, unseen, instead of carrying us to needed safety. The feeling of alone ushers in pleading calls for answers. An answer for the truth about the meaning of existence; this kind of uncertainty about self-worth is not life, but like being left for dead.
They long, and you long less aware, to repair the missed moments - when knowing and understanding would have connected you both to desire and hope instead of perpetual dread. Hope is believing that moment for connecting still exists - it‘s believing we will have our happy ever after - a great person who believes in who we are and helps us become who we are destined naturally to become. It cares for and protects us when hardship shows up. Love is survival and it matters the most.
Comments